How to have a successful marriage

Finding and being eternally joined with your loved one or soul mate will be one of the happiest days of your life , but sometimes ,along the way , you encounter obstacles and therefore your marriage is in peril. This article will give you some basic but much needed piece of advice so that you can successfully keep your union afloat the waters of despair. In order for this to work you need to communicate, respect and work on it.

First, communication is primordial. Some couples do not talk frankly to each other enough and thus distrust is being created between the two. If something bothers you or makes you uncomfortable, you need to discuss about it with your better half or he or she might not comprehend why you are screaming and yelling over something that might seem trivial to them. Even though you are to be together forever doesn’t mean that your husband or wife can actually read your mind. Communicate, discuss, talk and communicate! Even if you feel you told him or her everything there is to know about you, there might be more that you forgot to mention. By keeping discovering new things, you make the marriage interesting and worthwhile.
Secondly, you have to treat him or she like you would want to be treated yourself. Although many use that logic with other human beings that are total strangers, we sometimes forget that saying when applying within the marriage. If you are an insensitive jerk and a douche bag that won’t help the other one in times of need, then you are definitely not fit for these kinds of long-term relationships. Tension will be created and many conflicts will emerge from situations where one doesn’t respect the other.
Third, you have to work , work and work. Being married isn’t easy , at all. You have your ups and downs and you need to slowly crawl your way back to your happy periods to get out of your bad ones. Very few people marry each other and find that their relationship is smooth sailing across the whole trip. So please don’t have this idea in your head that your wife or husband will understand everything about you because he or she will not.
Remember that in a marriage you need three things: respect of your spouse or else discomfort and tension might install themselves in the relationship, communicating your desires and your feeling for your other half isn’t a mind reader that will know instantly what you are thinking inside that head of yours and ,finally, you have to work to keep your marriage together which is something you definitely want if you truly love the person you are with. These are simple tips you can use to have a long lasting union that will last decades and decades or perhaps maybe your entire life, at least I hope so for you.

When You’re Stuck in a Sexless Marriage

If you and your partner are not having sex and haven’t been having sex for long periods of time you are not alone.  In fact, statistics show that as many as one in five couples have gone 30 days or more without having sex, and some go for even longer periods.  This can be very confusing and frustrating, especially if you once had a sexually active marriage and suddenly you just stop having sex.  Many people worry that the relationship is failing, that their partner doesn’t find them attractive, and they even question their own feelings for their partner.  Sex is an important part of a relationship, so when you aren’t having sex it can impact every area of your life.

If you find yourself in a sexless marriage you should:

1. Talk to your partner.  One of the worst things you can do is just ignore the problem or not talk to your spouse about what is going on.  Your sexual relationship is something that exists between the two of you, so the only other person who can help you fix your sexual relationship is the person that you are married to.  It may be uncomfortable to talk about the issues that are impacting your sex life, but it is an essential first step to changing your sex life.

2. Read books, take courses, and even go to groups that will help you learn more about sex, fulfilling your partner, and how you can have a fulfilling sex life.  Often when you start reading books and learning things about making sex work in a marriage it will be a lot easier to understand where things went wrong, what you can do to get them back on track, and how you can begin to enjoy sex with your partner again.

3. If you have tried to employ what you have learned through books and courses and it has not worked, you may want to consider marriage counseling.  There are a lot of people who need the help of a counselor to move past issues that are keeping them from having the kind of sex that both they and their partner would like to have.  Talking to someone may seem uncomfortable and embarrassing in the beginning, but it can help you start having a great sexual relationship with the person that you are married to.

4. Don’t think you can’t have or aren’t entitled to sex within your marriage.  Sex is a human need and it is not something that you should assume that you can just do without.  You shouldn’t feel badly for wanting to have sex, instead you should come to an understanding with your mate about what you both want and need.

Simple Ways to Make Your Wife Want You

Men often feel like after they get married and the relationship gets comfortable that things are not as romantic and spontaneous as they used to be.  Many men feel like their wife just does not want them anymore, but this is not necessarily the case.  The fact of the matter is that a lot of men stop doing the things that they once did that helped to turn them on or keep them really interested, hot, and bothered by their husband.  There are some simple things that you can do to make her realize that you still want her, and more importantly, that she still wants you!

1. Ask her to dress up with you and take her out to dinner.  If you do this even once a month she will feel really special and you’ll reignite some important sparks in your relationship.  You’ll find when you ask her to dress up and go out with you that she becomes the girl that you fell in love with, and she’ll see the man that she fell in love with.  You may act like newlyweds all over again and you’ll have fun doing it!

2. Instead of working out separate of one another to look good for each other, why not work out together?  Wondering why you would do this?  The answer is simple, you should work out together because when you sweat you actually release pheromones that will make your wife want you, and vice versa!  You can have fun getting healthy, working out, and even cleaning up together!  Make this time that is something special for the two of you.

3. Stop being so predictable.  Many women lose interest in sex because it is the same every time.  Stop moving in predictable ways, try to introduce new positions, or if you are feeling adventurous you could even try to role play together.  This is something that will get her excited and have her looking forward to being intimate with you again.

4. Invite her to take a bath with you.  Light a few candles, put on some music, add some bubbles, and soak in a tub together.  This doesn’t need to be a sexual thing, but you’ll find that the feel of the slippery skin beneath your hands leaves you both wanting more!  She’ll appreciate the romantic gesture, too!

5. Take massage classes together.  This can start out as something therapeutic and over time you will find that it can become quite sensual.  Once you know what you are doing you will be able to offer her a massage any time to turn her on!  You’ll both be much more relaxed and comfortable in your own skin, and you’ll be closer physically and emotionally, as well.

Reigniting the Passion in Your Marriage

Do you feel like your marriage lacks the passion and lust that you want and that you used to get?  Many married people find that they just are not as physical and as sexual as they used to be, and they see this as a sign that the marriage is over or perhaps they are just not right for one another.  This is usually not the case, we just get comfortable and lazy and busy in our every day lives and we don’t give our relationships the attention that they deserve and require to continue to be full of passion.

Luckily, reigniting that passion is not difficult.  You will find through a few very simple things that you can turn the passion back on, and you may even find that you experience more passion than you did in the beginning because you are so much more comfortable with one another.

1. Touch one another.  We often don’t touch one another as much as we used to as we get further into the marriage.  This is not necessarily sexual touch, just the casual touching of two people who love one another.  As you walk by one another caress their arm or back.  When you are sitting together hold their hand, or place your hand on their knee.  The simple act of touching can get that spark going again, it’s amazing!

2. Make time to talk to one another.  We often don’t realize how little we actually talk to one another when we get busy living our lives.  Make sure that you make time to talk to one another, really talk to one another.  If you are assuming that the sex and passion will come naturally if you don’t talk, think again.

3. A lot of marriages don’t have the passion that they once had because the couple does not make time for the passion.  You need to make sure that you make time for your relationship.  Many people argue that they just don’t have time, but this isn’t true.  If you have time to watch television or talk on the phone, you have time for your relationship.  Make time for your relationship every day if you want to have a passionate marriage.

4. Continue to do things that will excite your partner.  Flirt with them, give them little gifts, send them flirty messages, and do the things that you know turn them on.  We often forget about the little things that we do when we first get together that make the passion so irresistible.  You cannot simply stop doing these things and assume that the passion will last.  This is fun and will work to get the passion going again!

5. Spend time in the bedroom.  Many married couples are so busy and feel rushed that they don’t actually enjoy sex as much as they should.  They hurry through it and simply go through the motions.  Stop doing this!  Take your time!  Enjoy the experience, when you do this the passion will grow and intensify and you’ll feel like newlyweds all over again!

Common Motivating Factors for Forgiving a Cheating Spouse

There are many people who find out that their spouse was cheating and they walk out and never look back.  For others, simply walking away doesn’t seem like an option, or there are certain factors involved that leave them thinking that they should at least try to stick it out.  Below are some of the most common reasons that people choose to try the forgiveness route.

1. They were truly sorry for cheating.  If you believe that your spouse is truly sorry for cheating, then you may want to think about staying.  We all do make mistakes and if this is a first and they do seem like they feel bad and will never do it again, think about it.  Just make sure that they aren’t just sorry for getting caught.  Don’t making being sorry a reason that you forgive someone for cheating over and over again.

2. The kids.  When you share kids it seems like you give your relationship a lot more slack than if you didn’t have kids.  While sticking it out for the kids is a good idea, make sure that you aren’t just staying because of the kids.  You need to teach your kids how to have healthy respectful relationships, and allowing yourself to be cheated on and disrespected isn’t something you want to teach.

3. You were given a second chance in the past.  If you feel like you need to give your spouse a second chance because they gave you a second chance, you’ll be doing what a lot of people do.  Just make sure you are offering a second chance for the right reasons.

4. They were drinking when they cheated.  What you need to remember is that unless the person is never going to drink again, drinking will always be a convenient excuse for cheating if you allow it to be.  Think carefully before you allow someone to be forgiven for cheating on you because alcohol was involved.

5. Love.  Many people decide they need to forgive their spouse for cheating because they truly are in love.  What you need to remember before you choose to forgive someone is that cheating is not a loving action.  If someone is able to turn their love for you off and on, you should be worried.  It’s fine if you want to work it out, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that they love you as much as you love them if they were able to cheat.

These are just some of the most common reasons for forgiveness after cheating.  They are neither right or wrong, but you need to think about it carefully before you decide to forgive someone for cheating.  It’s a personal choice, just remember that your reason for forgiveness sends a message, and if you aren’t careful you may be sending the message that their actions were acceptable.

Dating When You Are Newly Divorced

After getting divorced you may experience a wide variety of emotions.  Many people go from wondering if they will ever date again to wanting to just get out there and get going again.  While you may be anxious to start dating again, you shouldn’t definitely take the time to learn some simple tips about how to approach dating when you are newly divorced.  By taking in just a couple tips you will have a lot more fun and you will enjoy dating more than you might have thought that you would.

Some tips to make life after getting divorced better:

1. Don’t get into dating too fast.  Many people want to prove that they are okay and that they are still desirable to the opposite sex so they jump out there and they start dating as soon as the divorce is final.  Instead of proving that you have still got it, take some time out to allow yourself to heal.  If you rush into dating and new relationships you will not allow yourself to get the closure and distance that you need from the marriage that is essential to having healthy relationships in the future.  Give yourself time to heal.  For some people this is one month and for others this is nine months to a year.  You need to wait to start dating until you get over the hurt of a failed marriage.

2. When you are ready to start dating, start fresh.  Don’t just date the people that you already know or that are from your circle of friends.  When you do this, you are dating people who know all about what went wrong in your marriage.  Get away from all of that and meet new people.  You can do this through local singles groups, through online dating services, and more.  Give yourself a clean slate to work with when you are ready to date again.

3. Take your date somewhere that you are comfortable.  If you were married for awhile or you are nervous about dating again, do what you can to be comfortable.  You can make yourself more comfortable by taking your date to a place that you like and are comfortable with.  This will help you take comfort in the familiar even though you are doing something you are comfortable with.

4. Think of the kids.  If you have kids you need to make sure that you talk to them a bit about dating.  Let them know that your dating will not change the way that you feel about them.  Also, don’t allow your kids to meet the people that you are dating until you are sure they are going to be around for some time.

5. Don’t date if you don’t have fun.  Dating should be fun.  If you start dating and find that perhaps you moved into it just a bit too soon, it’s acceptable to back track.  Make sure that above all else you are having a good time when you go out, as that is what dating is all about.  Keep it light and fun!

Making it Work After an Affair

If you and your spouse have come back together after one of you has cheated there is going to be a lot of adjustment. If you are both committed to making the relationship work, it is possible to recover and have a better relationship than you did before the affair.  Of course, it is going to take some work and likely a lot of compromise to get your relationship back to where you want it to be.

The first thing you need to do is have a real heart to heart about what you want.  If one of you is not committed the relationship is not going to work.  Have an honest talk about whether one or both of you is just going through the motions or if you really want to make the relationship work.  This is basically an opportunity for one or both of you to get out of the relationship if you really want to.

Next, accept that there is going to be a time where the partner who was betrayed is going to have a lot of different emotions. One day they might be angry and the next day they’ll be really hurt and sad.  This is going to continue for awhile until they accept what has happened, which takes a different amount of time for everyone.

Be willing to have your every move watched.  Part of coming back together and earning the trust of one another back is being accountable.  This is especially true if you are the person who cheated.  You will need to be honest about where you are going and when you are going there, and with whom.  This will help to prove to one another that you are who you say you are and you’re doing what you say you are doing.

Get counseling if you need it.  A lot of people are not able to move past an affair without some help from a professional.  Do not be too proud to get help if you need it.  Your relationship is worth fighting for and often you cannot do it alone.  A professional can help you both understand what led up to the affair and where you go from here.

Be willing to forgive one another.  If you are not willing to move through the pain and forgive one another your relationship will not work.  It may be difficult to get to the point of forgiveness, but it is an essential part of making the relationship work.  Forgiveness will give way to a beautiful new life together.  If you make it to this point you will very likely find that your relationship is better than ever.

You need to be willing to pull out when it just isn’t working.  Many relationships just cannot recover from an affair and all of the betrayal that comes with it.  If things just keep getting worse as hard as you try, don’t be too proud to call it quits before you get hurt even more.

After The Divorce

It doesn’t matter how long you have been married, when you get divorced you feel a bit disconnected from the world, you may even feel like a stranger in your own skin.  While this can be a very uncomfortable and trying time, there are some things that you can do to make sure that you get through this time and come out the other side better than ever.  Nothing will ever make a divorce a great experience, but you can find new hope at the end of it all.

1. Give yourself plenty of time to just be upset.  It is normal, no matter how bad the relationship was, to be sad that your marriage is over.  When you share any amount of time with another individual it’s hard to call it quits and just walk away from it without feeling some regrets or sadness.  Give yourself time to wallow in the sadness and really feel the emotions.  You’ll be so much better off if you do this than simply try to suppress the emotions.

2. Spend time with friends.  Often when in the company of friends, especially old friends or people who really know us, we are able to be ourselves.  When we are able to be ourselves we often rediscover who we are away from our spouse.  This is often what we need to spark a new excitement for life, a life without our spouses.

3. Do something that you have never done alone before.  Whether it is traveling, going to dinner, anything that you have never done alone.  When you do something alone and you have a good time by yourself it will help you improve your confidence.  It will also help you see the upside of divorce, now you don’t have to confer with anyone about what you want to do and when you want to do it.

4. Spend some time with a new hobby or pick up an old hobby that has been neglected since you got married.  We all have things that we like to do that seem to go by the wayside when we get married.  Pick this old hobby back up or simply choose something new that you want to do.  This will give you something new to focus on and will also give you something new for your new life!

5. Don’t rush into a new relationship.  You should give yourself at least six months before you even consider a new relationship.  You should wait at least three months before you start dating.  These are minimums.  It’s not that you can’t go out and have fun, but you won’t be very good dating material while you are raw.  You will end up chasing great people away because the divorce is still so new.  So, enjoy being fully single for awhile.

Your Kids and Your Divorce

Statistics tell us that at least 50% of us will not stay married.  This is something that most of us laugh at when we first get married, but the fact of the matter is that this is not a number that we can run from.  If you find yourself part of the statistic it can be difficult, and when you have kids it is even more difficult.  Divorce is never easy, but there are some things that you can do to make the process more bearable for your children.

The first thing you should do when you and your spouse have decided to get a divorce is agree on how you are going to address the situation with your kids.  Ideally, you will get together to talk to them about the changes that are going to occur in the family.  When you take a united approach the children will see that they can still count on both of you.

When talking about the divorce do not share your problems with your children.  As tempted as you may be, your children do not need to be burdened with your problems, which are adult problems, which they are not at all able to deal with.  Instead, you can tell them that while you have been married for a long time, it just is not working anymore.  Let me know that even though you will not be married anymore, you are both still committed to them.

Make sure that neither of you talk negatively about one another in the presence of the kids.  This can be really difficult because the longer you are apart and the further the divorce progresses the more emotion you may feel.  Make an agreement that the two of you will never talk negatively about the other, this will help the children preserve their good thoughts about both of you during the process and as they age.

If you are talking to your friends either in person or on the phone make sure that you do not discuss the divorce or your feelings about your spouse if your children are there.  Children observe and take in more than we give them credit for.  A rule of thumb should be if the children are awake or in the building that you don’t discuss the divorce.  Let your friends know this rule so that way they can help you protect your kids throughout the divorce process.

Don’t use your kids as pawns.  You should not use your kids as a bargaining chip in the divorce.  Many people don’t think they would ever do this, and then they do.  Don’t try to manipulate your kids into spending more time with you, instead focus on getting them as much time with both of you as possible, because they need both of their parents.  Remember that your role is to protect them from the ugliness that is often the end of a relationship, not to make them a part of it.

When You’ve Decided to Get a Divorce

When your marriage is not working out and you have done all you can to turn things around for both you and your spouse you may find that there is not any other option for you than to consider divorce.  Divorce is a serious option and you should take your time and think about this before you tell anyone, even your spouse.  Divorce is taxing, can be expensive, and is permanent.  Once you utter the words you cannot take them back.

If you have decided that divorce is the only option the first thing you should do is meeting with a divorce lawyer.  Many lawyers offer a free first consultation so you can get an idea of what the law is, what you are looking at in the way of cost, and also so you can consider what you need to do to really separate your lives when you get a divorce. Visiting a lawyer will also allow for the reality of what you are doing to sink in, so if you change your mind you can still back out.

The next thing you need to do is tell your spouse.  Many people just allow for their partner to be served with divorce papers, but if you have any respect left for your spouse you will tell them that they will be receiving divorce papers.  Telling your spouse ahead of time is just much more honest and will allow both of you to be more prepared for the process so emotions don’t get out of control and things may not get as ugly when you do this.

If you are involved in a physically violent relationship you may want to consider having the divorce papers delivered without talking about it.  If you do this, you should be sure that you can remove any of your personal belongings and have a place to stay away from your partner after the papers are served.  This will just help you avoid getting in any physical altercations over the divorce.

Make sure that you visit the lawyer and go to court when you are told to do so.  This will allow you to represent yourself in the divorce process and things will end more favorably for you.  If you don’t show up, things may go to your spouse by default.  It can be difficult to face your ex in court or in a lawyer’s office as you end your marriage, but it is also a form of closure that in the end will be beneficial.

The best thing you can do when you are getting a divorce is keep busy.  It is easy to fall into a deep depression about the divorce, but you should keep busy until the process is over.  Then, when you are divorced you should give yourself some time to mourn.  Spend time alone, with friends, or partaking in your favorite activities.  It is normal to feel sad and even angry about the breakdown of a marriage, as it really is the death of who you were together.