We all want to think that infidelity will never touch our lives, or more importantly our relationships. The fact of the matter is that more than 50% of both men and women report having intimate relationships outside of their marriage. These are staggering numbers and it should cause us all to pause for thought. If you are still in a relationship after an affair you may have a wide range of emotions running through your mind. The way you feel about the relationship may change from day to day or even moment to moment.
For the Cheated On
If you were the person in the relationship that was cheated on you understandably feel hurt, betrayed, angry, and unsure of what the future holds. You might be surprised at the wide range of emotions that you feel and how you feel toward your partner. You should allow yourself to explore all of these emotions because only when you do this will you know if you will be satisfied staying in the relationship.
It is normal when you have been cheated on to want to know all of the details of the affair. Not only are your curious, you want to know exactly how far things went, why your partner cheated, and whether it was a physical relationship or not. These are fair questions to ask and you can tell your partner that you will not rest until you know the answers.
Give yourself a few weeks and if you are still confused you may want to seek some professional help not just for you, but for the relationship. A professional can help you work past some of hurdles that arise where affairs are concerned. Working with a professional may also better your chances of making the relationship work if you want it to. Generally, this process will just help you move toward forgiveness.
For the Cheater
When you have cheated on your partner and they find out it can be very difficult. You may feel a wide range of emotions ranging from sadness, anger at yourself, anger at your partner, and even angry at the person that you cheated with. You may also want to blame other people or you may place it all on yourself. These are normal emotions to go through but you will not only deal with your emotions but those of your partner.
If you have cheated the first thing you need to determine is why you cheated. Can the reasoning behind your cheating be rectified so it doesn’t happen again? Ask yourself if you want to save the relationship, if you do be prepared to work very hard. You will have to become an open book, sharing everything that is asked about the relationship and be willing to be kept “on a short leash” by your partner.
Moving past the experience of cheating can be difficult for both people. You need to not only address the emotions of your partner, but your emotions too. When you understand why you cheated it’s often easier to avoid doing it in the future.