Jan 27

Have you heard about the technique Olympic athletes use to help them win gold medals?

In addition to conventional practice, they do some critical mental work as well. They close their eyes and “see” themselves making the winning basket, being first across the finish line, etc. They “feel” the weight of the medal as it’s draped over their necks. They “hear” the roar of the crowd.

What does this have to do with you attracting a good, fun, and faithful man or woman to spend the rest of your life with?

Everything.

You can use this technique, too, to attract a relationship with a man or woman who possesses the qualities you desire.

Here’s how to do it:

1) Decide what qualities you desire most in a husband or wife

2) Write them down

3) Construct a scene on paper between you and this person using as much sensory detail (touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing) as you can. (Make sure you write the scene in past tense! This is critical!).

Read it out loud three times a day, preferably before your feet touch the floor in the morning, at lunch, and just before you drop off to sleep at night.

Visualize it whenever you have a free moment (while you’re on hold, waiting on line at the bank, stuck in traffic, etc.).

As you continue to do this exercise, you will notice that new details will seemingly pop into your scene from nowhere. That’s a good sign.

Keep it up.

Before long, you will attract available people with the qualities you desire. What’s more, you will be attracted to them, too. Getting dates will become effortless and maintaining a relationship with “the right one” will be blessedly free of angst and drama.

How can I be so sure of this? Well, I used this technique, and it worked for me. After years of disastrous relationships, I attracted and married the man of my dreams. Twelve years later, we’re still in love and having fun together.

Jan 27

In the real world, can there be romance without finance? A common saying: No romance, without finance. But what does it mean really? After a little thought about it and a hard look at the big picture, we see that it actually derives from the fact that in the real world, there is actually some level of bias to any decision we make, including our decision to love or be in love.

In a land of utopia therefore, it would seem perfectly reasonable that Love would know no bounds, experience no biases. In our world however, far from any kind of utopia, biases begin to play their different roles, one way or the other.

From a financial standpoint, most women want to be secure and go with whoever comes correct as far as finances are concerned. But finances aren’t the only bias in our society: upbringing, level of education, manners, carriage, height, persona, charm, etiquette, to name a few. Plus of course, he or she should be generally approved by our loved ones.

Expression of our individual biases however, does not mean we are mean people, or self-seeking individuals. On the contrary, they point immediately to two main glaring things: that we are merely humans in an imperfect world and our very human nature, with its whims and elements of choice and free will, allow us to “filter” out our choices till we arrive at our ‘true love’.

But is this love so defined, pure and divine or is it just a load of baloney anyway? Yes it can be pure and divine; no, it is not a lot of baloney. Why? Because from our very natures and the nature of the world in which we live in, our whims must be tolerated, till we see Prince Charming or the Fair Maiden, whoever they turn out to be.

True Love found in this manner, mustn’t be confused with “love” that stems from a desire for self-gain and greed. Yes, it is perfectly possible that finance may drive a romance. And yes, it is perfectly possible that for the less-materialistic of us, finance does drive a romance, but to a much lesser degree than may be considered healthy by most average standards.

A lust for self-gain and the romantic attachments that derive from this may only be considered greedy and disgusting (relative terms, mind), if the romance that results is only for the material possessions and nothing else.

A financially-motivated romantic relationship then, in this guise may not be true love at all, but just the love of self and the desire for self-gain. At the same time, whilst most ‘decent’ folk may not have a no-holds-barred attitude toward the ‘present’ material/financial status of the one they admire, everyone wants to see that the loved one has some “prospects”, or some desire and motivation to make something of him or herself in life. No one wants to be in love with the future bum. In this regard, because of the basic instinct of survival which is perhaps the greatest instinct of all living creatures, humans included, True Love may be assumed.

In this last context however, true love can only be assumed, after it has been tested, not to be a play for the gold, but as a really genuine state of the mind.

This brings us quickly to the story of Romeo and Juliet. First and foremost, they were both from two powerful, perhaps financially free, albeit feuding families. Without the knowledge (possible bias) that Romeo was of the Montague family, she is drawn by him. When she later finds out, she mourns her fate to the heavens and Romeo, hiding in bushes close to her house, hears her lamentation and despite being initially dismayed that she was a Capulet, (this dismay cannot have been too great however, otherwise what was Romeo doing lurking around Juliet’s house in the first place?) is immediately emboldened to make his feelings known to her. True Love had been found!

What is the moral of the story therefore in the light of the theme of my discourse?

True love can be found, despite any and all biases, financial included. He or she may not be well-off now, but that can always change. Romeo and Juliet were not willing to risk their love over pride and the squabble of some old and dead people; a squabble which was probably silly, of which they knew nothing.

Yes, the need for security is very high, but if you truly love him or her, if the bias can be changed, you will try to change it and have true love. If it can’t be changed, or the other refuses to change to suit your personal ‘filter’ and make you both happy, then, you may have to let go.

Knowledge is not power…it is only empowering; the Application of Knowledge is Power.

Jan 27

Inspiration and Management from Within – Part 2.

The more you follow the path of exploration into the mystery of life, the more life becomes revealed to you. Life begins to express its secret, its nature. What is required of us, for deeper understanding, is a commitment to follow earnestly the laws of life into self discovery. Few things have greater impact on the world, than the study of human nature and this study ultimately is found in the study of self. Through this study of self we come to know, what is really the study of God.

IF we could become fully aware of this self, then the search for spirituality would cease, we would no longer pilgrimage to sacred places, as life itself, the very thread of our existence, would become the divine mystery we all seek. Life reveals itself in every atom, on every corner and in every moment, life can be the magic in itself.

Everything in this world which appears to be unharmonious is in reality, the limitation of our own vision. The wider the horizon of our perspective, the more harmony of life we enjoy. In the very depth of our being, the harmony and simplistic working of the whole of natures plan exists. It can be heard through inner awareness. It is not the outer sound that plays the music of the soul, it is from within.

“Every external activity is directed by an inner cause. Every cause has its effect and all effects belong to us. This is our true power, the ability to reach within and temper the steal of causality. In the daily events of life, this capacity is not always obvious. People often see themselves victimized and therefore cannot attain a balance. Yet to the keen observer, awakened to the real world there is nothing but balance. Perfect harmony, exists as a hum, beneath the surface of all activity. It is only the keen observer, steeped in self awareness that it is, however, revealed. This beauty, this order reveals the balance of good and evil, right and wrong, masculine and feminine – and, when viewed by the keen eye, correspond with a larger purpose, and are therefore harmonious.” Christopher Walker.. 2003.

1. It’s only Natural

(exert from Innerwealth; Putting the heart and soul back into work and life. Wiley Uk.)

The laws that make self observation possible are not the laws of human morality. Such laws are for the dignity and well-being of the mass, and provide safety for existence. Self observation must be made from a larger perspective from this in order to eliminate the concepts of judgment and worthiness. Here is a small snap shot of those higher laws.

Harmony

In nature, what we appreciate will grow. Human bodies are a composition of trillions of vibrating particles with our total well being reflected in this movement. Our thoughts control this vibration revealing that by developing positive thought patterns, we can personally impact our own lives in a positive way.

Balance

Nature is pure balance. By aligning ourselves with the simple principles of balance, we can live a mindful existence. Where clear thinking, peace of mind and an open heart will together create a strong sense of centeredness. An imbalance in the body and mind can be transformed instantaneously to help you create and sustain energy and vitality for a lifetime.

Interconnectedness

In nature, nothing is ever lost or missing, however it does change constantly. An individual’s perceptions can be limited and unhealthy and they are in need of ways in which to let go of the old and move forward with purpose. Once we learn to recognize that everything is changing and evolving for a reason, then we can really achieve our full potential as powerful individuals in this world.

Evolution

Nature demonstrates to us that maximum evolution occurs at the border of support and challenge. The greatest thing in life is unconditional love and the evolvement of our world depends on this. By understanding that evolution can be achieved by an individual’s strength to move through difficulties with love and gracefulness, the quality of one’s life will be instantly enriched.

Inspiration

The greatest gift in life is the experience of being inspired. Nature has intended us to live this way. Leadership is inspiration. Certainty is inspiration. This higher thinking is that whose essence will connect people in groups, create harmony in relationships and move organizations forward in their purpose. Every human being has the right to an inspired life.

2. To be in Harmony is the first Goal of life.

Each human being has an inner vibration, it is audible and visible. It is not visible to the eyes nor audible to the ears, but it is audible and visible to the heart. We might say, “I feel their vibrations, I feel their presence.”

Harmonics can be affected externally through sight and sound. The environment in an office can affect harmony easily. For example red walls excite a person and will make them inclined to fight. A striking color will give you an argumentative environment. From a psychological point of view ancient customs use a certain colors for a wedding, and other colors for different festivals. It all has meaning, there is a psychological significance behind the subtle realities of our external lives. A change agent, must have the skill at understaning these subtlties, because it is through this change that the most powerful impact can be created in the shortest time in any circumstance.

People affect each others harmonics. People create a feeling that is given off without them having said or done anything. A person can communicate a bad feeling, without doing or saying anything. This creates a negative atmosphere, and you will be uncomfortable with them. Because people are so material in our world we do not appreciate this power that person has on another through what is going on within themselves. It is not because of their saying or doing; it is because of their being. “People hear louder what you do not speak, than what you do.” It is in the vibration of life itself that the tone, and color are experienced, regardless of words or action.

If we could understand and tap into this immense resource of comprehension, we would begin to appreciate the power of life itself, because everything has a vibration and that vibration tells the truth. It will determine success and failure, happiness and sadness, sickness and health. We will have a greater scope for approaching that unlimited potential which is within ourselves when we understand the power of being. The ancient mystics speak of self-knowledge. This does not mean knowing; how old I am, or how good I am, or how bad I am, or how right or wrong I am. It means knowing the other part of one’s being, that deeper, subtle aspect of one’s being and it is on the knowledge of that being, that the fulfillment of life depends.

What you will begin to realize is that the first experience of your spiritual development is when you begin to feel in synch with the abundant presence of other living beings. This doesn’t only mean human beings exclusively, but with animals, with birds, with trees and plants. We all have this same privilege, if we realize it. When we close our heart, when we allow our self to be smothered by life, we become exclusive, we become cut away from the whole manifestation of love. It is humanity that divides itself, people create identities, but truly, life itself is undivided, indivisible.

When you begin to take a universal perspective you begin to see that all is undivided. Then instead of saying, “this is my friend, I love them”, we are able to say, “this is myself, I love me”. At this time, a person can say that they have arrived at the realization of love. As long as an individual says “I feel sympathy for them because they are my friend”, their sympathy has not yet been fully awakened. The true realization of sympathy is when we see our friend and say “this is myself”. Then the sympathy is authentic, fully realized and there exists a communication within oneself that is of a true essence.

Identity causes us to close ourselves off from both the external life, and the inner life. That inner part of life is made of sound and light and when we get in touch with this part, then we know the language of life, nature. This language expresses the past, the present and the future. It is a language which reveals the secrets and the character of nature, it is a language which receives and gives the great messages of inspiration.

A person who is caught in their identity is living on the surface of life. They will become materialistic, and struggle to achieve only for themselves and live for their own benefit. They will suffer from morning to night. They will be bitter and in trouble, as they are in the midst of struggle and conflict, mostly with themselves. To heal, the heart must be free, free to love. The person who discovers this has reached a truly elevated state of being.

What teaches this kind of love? Where can one learn it? Where can we study it? The key to this element of love is found in life itself. As we observe humans in the world today, with all the progress of society, still there is a void. Ask yourself these questions: What is it that is lacking? Is it harmony that is the key to the unlimited store of love which is in the heart of humankind? Is the meaning of life represented in Harmony? Is it that in knowing life, and seeing the order of it, we see the divine plan, and therefore, we also see the planner?

Jan 27

If you don’t have the time, money or energy to plan and execute the perfect date, you’re not alone. The good news is you can set up a romantic evening in just a few minutes and without any cost. Use these easy ideas to turn any evening at home into a romantic rendezvous.

1. Location – Pick a spot outside like the hammock, lawn furniture or simply throw a blanket down. The stars make great romantic scenery. If you’re staying in, pick a room you don’t normally spend a lot of time in. It will help keep your minds off daily routines. Throwing pillows and blankets on the floor in front of the fireplace is very romantic. If you have children, put away any toys, bottles and clothing they may have left in the room so you’re not thinking of them during your romantic evening.

2. Lighting – Romance is about atmosphere, bright lights at night won’t do. Turn the lights down. If you can’t turn them down, you may want to unscrew a bulb or two to create a soft look in the room. You can light some candles. One or one hundred, it’s up to you. Always take care when burning candles, don’t leave unattended and don’t burn them under curtains or other flammable items. Hanging a string of white lights somewhere in the room will create the feeling of warmth and passion. A sting of white lights will also look very romantic outside in a tree, on a porch or railing. If your location is outside, you can light torches and citronella candles to keep the bugs away.

3. Music – Being in a good mood is key to pulling off a romantic evening and nothing can change your mood as quickly as music. Turn on the radio. Play music that makes you feel good and upbeat. It doesn’t have to be boring elevator music, in fact that could make you and your partner drowsy. If you don’t want commercial interruptions you can play your favorite CD’s or tapes.

4. Edibles – Grab a nice looking dish and raid the cupboards. The typical romantic snack foods are: cheese, crackers, grapes, and strawberries. But if you don’t have these items anything bite size will do such as peanuts, pretzels, cut vegetables, etc. Put any drinks in wine glasses. Wine, beer, soda, fruit drinks and even water are more enticing when served in wine glasses.

5. Alone Time – This is time for just the two of you. No company, no distractions. Turn off cell phones and pagers; let the telephone answering machine get the calls. If you have kids, put them to bed before starting your date. Schedule this time like an important appointment. At least two hours should be set aside.

The evening doesn’t have to be perfect. If something goes wrong, it doesn’t have to be ruined. Be optimistic, go with the flow and continue. And when planning your next romantic rendezvous make a few minor changes for variety. Be creative and enjoy!

Jan 27

There are some men who will never understand the importance of romance. They may be lazy or don’t feel like investing any of their time for something silly like romance. They’re the foolish ones who are wasting time and energy trying to get what they want the hard way.

Then there are the men who know the secrets of romance. For example, on the reality shows such as the Bachelor and Who Wants to Marry (whatever), it’s pretty obvious the men who are the most romantic stick around the longest and are chosen in the end.

Why? Not because they are rich, good looking, have great jobs, or any of the obvious reasons. They know romance is very powerful. And what do these romantic guys do? Simple things like, light candles, pick flowers, look at the stars, have a picnic or romantic dinner; nothing you can’t do with ease.

Whether you want to believe it or not, it is the small things that matter most to a woman when it comes to romance.

Romance is the creation of an atmosphere where she feels unconditional love and appreciation. You can turn down the lights, turn on the radio, take her by the hand and ask her to dance in the kitchen. That’s romance.

Hand her a wild flower, ask her to go on a stroll with you and hold hands. That’s romance. Get it! What is she feeling? At that moment she is the most important woman in the world, she feels appreciated and loved. Romance can even produce the butterflies in her stomach.

The passion and excitement she will be feeling for you not only manifest itself in sex but will also spill over into other aspects of the relationship. Sometimes it takes a few romantic encounters to get the best results, she may not be used to it, she may have been hurt by you and think you’re only doing it for sex. Hang in there, the payoff is within reach. Above all, you will have a fulfilling relationship and you will have fun discovering each other.

Jan 27

To live in peace and love, evil cannot be overcome by more evil. Evil can only be overcome by good. The current trend in the world today is to overcome evil with evil, which with modern weapons would lead to complete choas. The way of overcoming evil with good and love, it would lead to a glorious and mature life. It is the lesson of the way of love. Those who create something which is evil in order to overcome something else which is evil, will only double the evil.

Pure love is a willingness to give, without a thought of receiving anything in return. Love can save the world from nuclear destruction. Love your fellow human beings; make yourself fit to be called a child of God by living the way of love.

Do you know there is a power greater than ourselves which manifests itself within us as well as everywhere else in the universe? This can be called God. To love God is to reflect love toward all people and all creations. To know God is to feel peace within - a calmness, a serenity, an unshakeableness which enables you to face any situation. You can find God if you will only seek - by obeying divine laws, by loving people, by relinquishing self-will, attachments, negative thoughts and feelings. And when you find God it will be in the stillness. You will find God within.

The Way of Man is taught by Confucius. The five human relationships must be perfected before one can appreciate The Way of Heaven. In life, firstly is to practise the Way of Man. Sincerity in the practice is of utmost importance. When you give love, in return you shall receive love. To ask for mercy, first you must show mercy.

Goddess of Mercy said, “let thousands of people, receive the light of mercifulness. Let thousands of people, bathe in the great grace of Heaven. Let thousands of people, transcend from the sea of sufferings. Do not compare with others. Do not compete with others. Establish a right objective. Do not hesitate and do not hinder yourself. Accept the sufferings and live with the sufferings. Feel the tragedies of mankind. Give joyousness whenever required. Show mercy, in return you shall receive mercy.” How many of us can really show mercy?

People can be very cruel and unreasonable. Why not ponder over this poem, “In the dark, there is some light. In the black, there is some white. In the blind, there is some sight. In the wrong, there is some right. Step back one pace. The sea is wide and the sky is spacious. Give some way to others, how leisurely one is! Endure a few words, you’ll be easy and worry-free. Be patient for a while, a happy fairy one becomes!”

Jan 27

“And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.” Psa 78:38-39 But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time turned he his anger away, and did not stir up all his wrath. For he remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passeth away, and cometh not again. God remembers that man is just flesh and prone to mistakes and evil. Gods compassion for mankind, as it has become, is not limitless but has a time line that will be followed.

Have you ever told anyone that you loved them but were not, In Love with them? Very strange words that man comes up with. But is it really strange or are they just taking the thoughts of God to Heart? We all know that we have the mind of Christ, because the Bible says that we do. But we don’t have the mind of God and that is why I thought I would instill a little thought of my own, into you, about His mind and the way He thinks about His creation. In genesis, everything that God created in days 1 thru 5 he said were good, but when it came to man, He didn’t say that it was good, neither did He say that what He created was good.

Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. As mans ability grew, God became a little frustrated with His creation and repented that He created Him.

Genesis 6:5 thru 6, And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.

Grieved; to wound the sensibilities of; to make sorrowful; to cause to suffer; to afflict; to hurt.

Heart; The seat of the affections or sensibilities, collectively or separately, as love, hate, joy, grief, courage, and the like; rarely, the seat of the understanding or will; usually in a good sense, when no epithet is expressed; the better or lovelier part of our nature; the spring of all our actions and purposes; the seat of moral life and character; the moral affections and character itself; the individual disposition and character; as, a good, tender, loving, bad, hard, or selfish heart.

Man had, and still does, wound the sensibilities of and the individual disposition and character of God. God Loves us but He doesn’t like us. Simple but true. Our disposition is set against the laws and statutes of God because its in our nature to do so, sense the fall of Adam. Man continually wars against God because of his inbred nature of world conquest and greed for another mans possessions. Jesus was sent to this earth to save man from himself and save the soul of man from an angry God, again because God loved His creation but didn’t like it. Jesus had a difficulty with man also for He and the Father spoke as one, for they are one.

In Matthew 23:37 Jesus said; “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!” The following beautiful Greek epigram, taken from the Anthologia, affords a very fine illustration of this text.

Beneath her fostering wing the Hen defends
Her darling offspring, while the snow descends;
Throughout the winter’s day unmoved defies
The chilling fleeces and inclement skies;
Till, vanquish’d by the cold and piercing blast,
True to her charge, she perishes at last!
O Fame! to hell this fowl’s affection bear;
Tell it to Progne and Medea there: -
To mothers such as those the tale unfold,
And let them blush to hear the story told! - T.G.

Jesus would protected and saved man as He was but for mans ir-respect for Him and His Father. Man then, as is today, have fallen away from God and is hurting Him with his sinful nature. Its not just the un-believer but also some that say they are Christians and are not but do lie. I wanted to read a little from the same chapter of Matthew. 23:32 thru 36. Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers. Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city: That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar. Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.

Psalms 139:20 thru 23. For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: David was not rebuked by God for these statements, God understood what David was saying as we all should. Man has grieved God from generation to generation.

Gods love, as stated in John 3:16, still stands today but His dislike for His creation also stands. Just imagine giving your only son for a creation that is burdensome to you, this is the type of Love God showed us and the type of man that David was as He spoke those words. God enemies are our enemies. When they blaspheme Gods Name they hurt us because that is our Father they speak of. Romans 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

Romans 8:8, So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. Just remember that God, being full of compassion, will forgave your iniquity but there is coming a time that his anger will not be turned away, but He will stir up all his wrath. The source for the Greek epigram; comes from Adam Clarke’s commentary in which he quotes from the Anthologia.

Jan 27

How do you know whether the current romantic relationship, love affair, or even marriage is the ‘right’ one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about 75% of the time. Be brutally honest. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad, your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative?

A healthy relationship doesn’t make you feel miserable. You don’t need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as “Will he ever leave his wife so that we can be married, even after his children graduate from college, like he promised?”

Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it’s because they don’t feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn’t, or shouldn’t, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can — and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand.

Desperate, worried people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feels capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy?

Extremely needy people tend to be ‘high maintenance’ in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It’s not much fun to realize the person you care about (and once even thought you might want to marry) is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you’ll never “pass Go” but will usually land “in Jail.” But love shouldn’t be a Monopoly game. There needs to be plenty of room for each partner to stretch, and grow. Gluing two separate people together is not just symbiotic but potentially dysfunctional.

So, how do you view your own relationship, to measure just how healthy it is? After evaluating whether you’re mostly happy and content, or mostly sad and worried, you might want to consider the basic ingredients or characteristics — all right, call them Strengths — of a healthy relationship, as follows:

(1) What each of us expects from the other is fair and realistic.
(2) We are happy with one another, as we are.
(3) Each of us listens to the other, and cares.
(4) There is ample room for each of us to have a separate life/self. We know we are two separate people who choose to be together and grow/nurture a wonderful, loving relationship.
(5) We can argue or disagree, and remain friends.
(6) Each of us has come to rely on the other, because we value our relationship as a top priority.
(7) Mutual communication and sharing is valued by each of us.
(8) Neither of us must be something or someone other than what we are, to please the other.
(9) Total honesty is a shared value, as well as kindness and sensitivity toward one another’s feelings.
(10) Our relationship works well now, not as an unfulfilled goal to be hoped for in the future.
(11) We are both committed to the relationship, and to one another. Neither of us threatens to leave.
(12) We love and care for one another, unconditionally

How many of those strengths does your relationship have? Remember, if yours seems to be lacking, it’s not necessarily time to end it all — because every relationship or marriage can be improved, if both parties are willing to work together to achieve that goal. Don’t settle for mediocre, when you can shoot for and really have Miraculous!

Jan 27

How to get rid of a guy - fast!

(Mimi, have you lost your marbles? Why are you writing about how to get rid of a guy?)

Because today’s article is about what NOT to do if you want to keep the interest of a man who has not yet made a commitment to you.

This is written especially for the women who have written me who are very upset that they have made an embarrassing mistake with a man, or that they want a certain man which they do not currently have.

I see a lot of pain in the emails I receive lately. It makes me sad to see my readers hurting. So this particular message is for these women - who in my opinion do not appreciate how special THEY are. They are focused on how special a certain man is and that is all they are able to think about for the moment.

Of course, men do not think the way women do. When a woman is in a relationship, she is focusing on him and on her emotions.

Emotion is certainly present for a man, but in a different way. Men and women each have built-in triggers which the wrong words at the wrong time can set off.

If you set off the wrong trigger in a man, you can be almost certain that he will be finding any excuse to head out the door to start looking for a woman who is not so easy to attain.

In my opinion, the woman should never be the first one to say “I love you.”

You may be feeling this love for him; it may be true; and it may be true for him. But until HE says these words to you, he is not ready for it. (Also, be sure your BS meter is running and you aren’t hearing those words in an attempt to woo you briefly and then drop you flat. Hey, it still happens ALL the time - and to younger and younger women and girls. That bothers me greatly.)

When you are in the mood to say “I love you,” you may be thinking that you are willing to lay your heart on the line for a man you have fallen for. That is a noble thought and I understand it well. And who will be feeling really bad shortly thereafter? You will, if you make the mistake of saying those three little words first.

When a man truly loves you and is in love with you - the kind of man you want, that is - he wants to shout it from the housetops. He wants to show you off to everyone. If you are not seeing THAT kind of reaction - then distance yourself emotionally.

I’m not telling you to be rude or unkind or to even stop seeing the guy. I’m telling you that you need to be your own best friend and protect yourself. What’s more, you need to be in the frame of mind that whether this man likes you, loves you, or not - is not going to make or break your life!

Yes, you might get your heart broken over someone. But you know what? You will move on. You will get over this man and find that there is more to life than any one particular man - no matter how special he is to you. Trust me that this is true.

Instead of focusing on how special a man is, focus on how special and unique YOU are. Show off your best qualities by making yourself the best person you can be, inside and outside. Trust that when the time is right for you, a good relationship that is worth waiting for will happen in your life.

Now, for you purists out there, and I know you’re out there, yes. I know that there are men out there who will not bolt and run if you say “I love you” first. (Gotta love those guys, too.)

However, those same men will bolt and run if you have been acting clingy and as if your entire emotional future depends on their acceptance of your undying love.

Besides, if you say ‘I love you’ first, that is kind of like peeking at the Christmas presents. It spoils all their plans. They want to do the wooing and pursuing - don’t ever forget that. If they are not actively wooing you, they are not interested in you.

For some readers, all of this is well known information that they already follow in their lives. But many, many of my readers need to hear this. Being head over heels in love makes us vulnerable - and makes us do crazy things. One of the craziest times of all is right after a divorce - if that’s your situation, hang on to your hat - be careful.

Jan 27

What is love? Is it something you can feel? How do people know if they have found the person they could spend the rest of their lives with? It would be easier to know if we’ve found this person if we could know what love is.

Initially when we meet someone we like there is probably something physical attracting us. We may feel attracted. Then if all goes well - you go out, have a good time, and find you want to spend more time with one another - you may begin to have more feelings for one another. But is this love? Time is the answer to all of these questions and the tester of the relationship.

Keep sex out of the mix. When sex becomes part of the equation things become confusing fairly quickly. Sex is a strong and powerful gift that should only be used in marriage to become more intimate - more intimate than you could without it. Outside of marriage it only serves to destroy any chance of truly knowing if you have love for someone or, if they have love for you.

If your relationship is based on sex you are on an unstable foundation. If your feelings change so will your desire to have sex, so will your so called feelings of love with this person and, the same is true for them. Sex only works if love is the foundation of a marriage relationship.

Feelings change and this makes it an unstable foundation for a relationship as well. A lot of times feelings change when the bliss of sex has worn off or, the things you can’t stand about the other person surfaces with more frequency. Sex will cause you to look past the things you can’t really live with in another person. And when sex fails to work for you, all you have left are all those things that irritate you about your partner.

So what is love? If you can keep sex from coming into the picture the time you spend together can help you find out if you can love the person you’re seeing. You will learn what their values are. You will learn what makes them tick and what drives them. You will find out if you could love them through the time you spend together.

What are the interests you share? What things are you passionate about together? Are there things that get on your nerves - drive you crazy? Can you live with those things? Are you driven by the same things they are driven by? Do all these interests that you both share cause you to draw closer or, do they make you want to spend less time together? If after you have seen all there is to see in a person and you are still drawn then you are ready - Ready for what? -To make a decision.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do. It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

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